So I love movies (duh, you didn’t figure that out from my blogs yet). And I actually pay and watch them in the true big screen experience. I do not write movies off before actually watching them and I give every movie a chance. I also have no pretension about my movie taste being extremely base or upscale. I don’t know anything about difficult to pronounce European directors and I value MTV movie awards more than the Golden Palme. I just watch movies for entertainment. My logic is simple – I’m giving you Rs50 to make me not think about things I would’ve otherwise thought about for the next 2 hours (three and a half hours if it is a Karan Johar movie). If you succeed in doing that then you deserve my money. Simple.

For starters, what’s this with Indian movie goers and the guessing game? Do you get extra points for guessing the next scene in a movie? No seriously, what’s the prize? “I think he is the murderer.” “No no, she is the murderer.” “No no. She is a he.” Guess what? I have two words for you – “Duck Odd” and yes I know I got my Ds and Fs mixed up. So if the fifteen over zealous people who were sitting behind me for Delhi Belly (which was a very funny and hilarious movie btw) are reading this – I really don’t care where you thought the the urn was. I rarely am tense about mysteries in movies because I KNOW THEY WILL REVEAL IT IN AN HOUR. So shut up and let me watch the movie will you. What is it about movies alone that makes us do this? Have you ever seen people do this during a cricket game – “I think Sachin will hit a four.” “No No I think Brett Lee will get a wicket”. We never do that. But give us a movie and we suddenly put a Sherlock hat on. And it’s not just for mystery movies – we do it for any movie. I even had a bunch of very annoying people sitting behind me when I was watching Chak De India, trying to guess what will happen in every hockey game. Grrrrr!!!

Ok. My next rant is specific to people who bring in kids to the movies. Children. Yes, children. They are soooooo cute. Awwwwwww. But PLEASE KEEP THEM AT HOME WHEN YOU COME FOR MOVIES. Now correct me here. Have you ever seen  in any movie or now that there are many Americans in India, an Americans bring their one year old infants to movies. NO. They spend on a nanny and make sure that they enjoy the movie and let others do the same too. Now ask your self. When was the last time you went for a movie where a kid didn’t start crying? I think we all get angry but just keep quiet because its a kid. Would you keep quiet if a forty year old man started crying while you are watching a movie and started telling his wife that he is hungry – no you would beat the crap out of him. So parents of toddlers who bring them to movies – please be considerate towards others. How will you like it if I went to your house and shouted while your kid was trying to sleep – get it?

Talking about kids and movies its time for some digression. What is so sweet about grown up actors and actresses trying to play with under dressed kids from third World countries in their movies? How many Indian movies have you seen where the actor and actress, in the middle of a song, just walk into a bunch of street kids playing soccer and join them. The clip then normally gets into slow motion mode and everybody is shown having such a nice time. Occasionally there will be water in the form of rain or a water hydrant. All the kids and actors will then get wet and dance around even more. Now even American movies have started using this concept. I saw the Heartbreak Kid sometime back (funny in parts) and even they used the exact same concept. Grrrrrr. I have actually played cricket on the streets and never remember any sweet couple joining us for an impromptu party. If at all anything, all the couples in our area hated us because there was an outside chance of getting hit by a ball while they tried to go on sweet walks. Hmmmm.

Oh I have sooo much more to rant about. The annoying bunch of teenagers who think they are really witty and fill the movie up with smart ass comments. Newly married couples who choose the movie as a way of showing affection – “You want popcorn? You want soda? You want pastry? You want popcorn, pastry and soda …” People who have business deals on their cell phone while others are trying to figure out where the urn is – “Haan Sharma ji. Aaap sign kar dijiye. Abhi khatam hoga picture … mein adha ghanta mein aata hoon … aap popcornn lengey …” So much to rant about but alas the aliens are here for abduction again – so later 🙂

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